


speak away this cloud of fear

by mother_fisher



Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 04:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11305278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_fisher/pseuds/mother_fisher
Summary: Billy's always been good at hiding things.Especially stuff like this.





	speak away this cloud of fear

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place a couple months after the events of the movie
> 
> i really love these two, but more importantly they love each other and they deserve more fics written about them
> 
> title from "7 hours ago" by honeywater

Billy’s always been good at hiding things.

 

Actually, no, that’s not exactly true. He’s never been very good at keeping secrets from his mom. Once, when he was ten, he’d accidentally broken the microwave by filling it with plastic silverware. He’d managed to fix it before she got home, but he broke into tears the minute she walked through the door. Another time, when he was in second grade, a group of bullies stole his new backpack, and he felt so guilty that he borrowed the bus driver’s cell phone and called his dad at work to tell him what happened. It took him a full week to stop apologizing.

 

Billy’s parents were different though. They _loved_ him. Lying to them felt dirty. Besides, he’d never had that many secrets to keep to begin with. Up until, well, the whole Power Rangers thing, which he couldn’t tell his mom, because it violated the superhero code, and well, there are some that just overrule being an entirely truthful son.

 

For the most part though, Billy _was_ good at keeping secrets. He didn’t have very many friends, before, so there was no one to really hide anything from, or feel guilty about lying to. And again, he didn’t really do much to warrant lying about. There were just some things he liked to… keep to himself.

 

Like this.

 

 _Especially_ stuff like this.

 

If you’ve ever been to Angel Grove, or any of the other towns in the district, even if you were just passing through to hit a rest stop, chances are, you’ve heard of Jason Scott. For the better part of the last eighteen years, he’d been the star of Angel Grove, managing to elevate himself and his family to celebrity status in their small port town. In fact, people only came to Angel Grove for two things: fish, and to recruit Jason Scott to their college football teams.

 

That was before.

 

Before car accidents and cows and superpowers and saving the world. Things are so different now, sometimes Billy doesn’t even feel like he’s the same person, or that he’s in the same universe. He feels like someone ripped open the sky, grabbed him, and plopped into a new world. With everything that’s happened, it doesn’t feel like so much of a stretch.

 

Billy remembers the first time he saw Jason, _really_ saw him, not like like the first day of kindergarten when they first met, or that day in detention when everything started.

 

He’d been walking home from the library, a week before the beginning of sophomore year. The football team had already started practicing for the season and Billy, despite the fact that he couldn’t have cared less about football, paused to watch.

 

He’d always known he was different when it came to being attracted to people. It wasn’t that he didn’t _like_ girls, he just didn’t think about them the same way as guys. Most days it was hard to imagine himself with anyone, the concept of romance was so foreign to him. Other days, when he thought about the future, and everything that came with it, he couldn’t picture himself with a girl. The only person he ever _really_ saw was—

 

Jason was there, of course, and that’s who Billy noticed first, that’s who Billy paid attention to. He was a little shorter than Billy, even then, but more muscular, stocky. His hair was longer back then, still as blond and curly, stuck to his forehead with sweat. The sight of him, carefree and relaxed and everything Billy _wasn’t_ made him achey and confused. He’d rushed home, the weight of his library books nothing like the heavy stones of guilt in his stomach.

 

The thing was, Billy never thought he and Jason Scott would cross paths. Like, ever. That day in detention had been so surreal, such a mix of a blessing and a curse, Billy had spent the first half of detention in a daze, stunned and maybe not even sure it actually happened. He spent the second half deciding whether or not to ignore the entire thing and go on about his life or actually make something happen. In the end, loneliness and desire got the best of him, and well, the rest (superpowers, Rita, almost dying, _actually_ dying, almost dying again, saving the world) is history.

 

The point is, Billy could keep this secret, maybe forever, even if it did make him feel so bad he felt like he couldn’t breathe with it.

 

They were at Billy’s house. Sometime between that first day in detention and now, Billy and Jason had actually become _friends,_ which Billy knew they hadn’t exactly been until he died, or a little before. The superhero dynamic had thrown the whole friend one he’d been going for out of wack. He’d known that he could trust Jason, that he could trust any of them, and he’d definitely considered them friends, but sometimes that wasn’t always a two way street.

 

But they were friends now, real friends. They hung out outside of detention and training, they sat with each other at lunch, which Billy still couldn’t get over. His brief flash of bully-defeating popularity ended as quickly as it had began, and he was back to sitting alone at his lunch table, which was okay, he didn’t quite mind it _so_ much, but he missed having people talk to. When Jason sat down at his table, Billy went from shocked to concerned in about three seconds, convinced Jason was confused, took a wrong turn and just plopped down because he figured he was in the right spot. But then Kim came, and Trini, and finally Zack, and they were all talking before Billy could ask any questions, and then he _forgot_ his questions because talking to his friends was better than not talking to them.

 

Jason was sitting in Billy’s desk chair, talking about football, while Billy sat on his bed. He was trying to hack into the school’s database to erase all of Zack’s unexcused absences, which was exceedingly more difficult than he’d originally thought because he had well over 200, something Billy hadn’t even known was possible.

 

“It’s not really that I miss it, y’know?” Jason was saying. He knew Billy was listening, even if he was doing something else. “I mean, yeah, I love football, but it’s not like I couldn’t still play if I didn’t want to, right? Like, obviously not for a team, but just for like _fun._ I could still play the game if I wanted, that’s not what I miss. It’s _the guys._ I mean, I spent three years with those guys, I took the fall for them, and it’s like, suddenly, because I’m not the guy telling them how to throw a ball, they can’t speak to me? I mean, what kind shit?”

 

Billy stopped typing, he set his computer aside and looked at Jason. When he was younger, before his parents knew he had autism, and he was just a flitty-eyed kid who ran when his aunts and uncles hugged him for too long, they’d grilled him about eye contact. _If you don’t_ look _at people when you’re talking to them,_ his mother had said, _how are they going to know it’s them you’re talking too?_

 

Once they’d learn why he did the things he did, that he couldn’t help them, they’d left him alone about it, but by then it was too late. Eye contact when speaking, it was only recently that he’d been falling out of the habit, but he looked at Jason now, who was looking down into his lap, his hands played restlessly with Billy’s Rubix cube.

 

“Jason,” Billy said, and he looked up, blue eyes on Billy’s unwavering brown ones. “We’re your friends now.”

 

Jason smiled, a kind of half smile, not really genuine. “I know that, Billy, but still.”

 

Billy felt like he’d swallowed a huge lump of coal. He didn’t want to ask this question, he didn’t want to hear the _answer,_ but before he could stop it (because he could never leave well enough alone, he just couldn’t) he asked—

 

“Are you only friends with us be-because they won’t talk to you anymore?”

 

Jason’s eyes got wide, he set the Rubix cube aside and sat up in the chair. “What? What? No-no! Billy, of course—”

 

“I mean probably not Kim, she’s cool, too. I know she doesn’t think she is anymore, but she still is—”

 

“Billy, can you just—how could you even say—”

 

“Zack is pretty cool, too, I guess. Not in the popular type of way, but still pretty cool—”

 

“Billy? Billy, will you just listen? I would never do that to you guys, I—”

 

“Trini is definitely cool, even if we’re the only ones who talk to her, I mean her music is just—”

 

“Billy, I swear to God—”

 

“So, really, it’s just me, probably. I mean I _know_ I’m not cool. I mean, the superhero thing is, yeah, but we can’t tell anyone about that, so—”

 

“Billy!” Jason shouted, jarring Billy from what he was saying. He looked to Jason, who was up out of the chair, standing now. He was leaning forward, like he wanted to move closer, but didn’t. He wrung his hands together in stiff, awkward movements. It was like he’d exhausted everything he’d had to say while they were talking over each other and couldn’t find the words anymore. “Billy,” he said again, finally. “I…”

 

Billy averted his eyes. If they were anywhere other than his room right now he’d run away. Put a pin in this, look at it again with a fresh set of eyes later, sleep on it, ignore it until he had more information. But right now was all he had, there was nowhere to hide. He had to figure this out now, even if he didn’t want to, even if he didn’t know how.

 

“Whatever you’re going to say,” Billy started, then stopped himself. “I—I know, Jason. I was just being stupid.” Insecure, because a life of no friends and constant stares and unwanted pats that he flinched away from did that to him. Because even saving everyone in this town, even the people who gave cold looks ( _still_ gave him cold looks, had given him cold looks the very next day) couldn’t get him past the roadblocks in his mind.

 

Jason flinched, and then he did move closer, until he was almost to the edge of the bed, where Billy was sitting, looking down at his grimy shoes. “Billy,” he said for the third time. He looked torn for a minute before he made up his mind and set his hand gently on Billy’s shoulder. “There’s no way you could ever be stupid. You—you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

 

Billy didn’t say anything back. He didn’t know what he could say, and the warm presence of hand touching him was distracting. It felt a little like his skin was trying to crawl off of him, but it also felt good. It was more good than uncomfortable, which was rare and not really anything that ever happened with people outside of people he felt comfortable with.

 

It didn’t matter that Billy wasn’t talking, because Jason was. Strangely, like he was forcing the words out of himself, like they were stuck in his throat he he needed to get them out. “I would never— I mean, that you even think I’m only friends with you guys—with _you_ —I mean, it almost makes me angry— _not at you_ —but whoever made you think—? It makes me angry at me, fuck—shit, sorry, Billy—oh for fucks sake, I mean, Jesus—of course I’m not friends with you because of them. I’m friends with you because I lo— _like_ you, Billy. You’re so smart, and you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met, and you died for me—for _us_ , how could anyone not like you? How could anyone not want to be your—your friend?”

 

Billy stood up, Jason lifted his hand, looking vaguely shocked, like maybe he’d forgotten Billy was actually there. He didn’t know if now was the right time to say this, he didn’t know if there would ever be a right time, but for some reason, he felt like even if it wasn’t, this was all he had. This wasn’t the sort of problem solving Billy was used to. Math, computers, science, life crystals, that was more his speed. But if he didn’t say this now, he never would, he knew it.

 

“Billy?” Jason looked around the room, confused and like maybe he would find the answers somewhere around. “Billy—”

 

“I love you,” Billy said, finally. He nodded his head matter of factly. “I’m sure I do, because I’ve never really felt like this before, and it just feels like _a lot,_ you know? Maybe you don’t, that’s okay, I just have to tell you. I love you, I probably have for awhile. You don’t have to feel it back, I know you don’t, but if I didn’t say it, I don’t know what I’d do—I just had to tell you. I’ve been keeping it inside for so long, and I just hope this doesn’t make you not wanna be friends anymore, I just couldn’t—”

 

Billy stopped. Not because he was finished, or because he’d run out of words, or because Jason punched him in the face and stormed out. It was none of those reasons. He stopped because right in the middle of his sentence, Jason had grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pressed them together. “Sorry,” he said softly, and then he pressed his lips to Billy’s and it felt—

 

It felt exactly like it looks in the movies, exactly how it’s described in books. It was world-ending. Jason’s lips were chapped and dry, but soft and Billy felt like he was dying. No—reverse dying, like he was coming back to life, especially when Jason wrapped strong arms around him and pressed them even closer together, if they were any closer they’d melt into each other. Billy’s skin was practically on fire, he was so warm and this felt so right, so much better than hugs and smiles and friendly pats on the back. Billy felt like there were bones inside of him that had been sticking out at odd angles, tearing him apart, and suddenly they were slotted back in the right places. He put his own hands on Jason’s shoulders and they practically sung at the touch. It had never been like this before, never. He’d never touched anyone without immediately wanting it to end, without wanting to squirm away the second it happened, and he was touching Jason everywhere, places he’d never touched anyone else before. _Like the lips_. God, Billy hoped it was always like this, he hoped Jason felt like this kissing him. It was the best feeling in the entire world, touching someone and never wanting to stop.

 

They broke apart, finally, and Billy gasped. During all of that he’d forgotten to breathe, and while it hadn’t felt important two seconds ago, his lungs were certainly making their presence known. _Breathe through your nose next time,_ he thought to himself, and his heart beat a little faster thinking, hoping, that there would be a next time.

 

“Say it again,” Jason said, his voice still soft like before, his eyes were focused lazily on Billy, and his arms were still locked around his waist. “You love me,” his eyes flicked down to Billy’s lips. “Tell me...say it again.”

 

“I love you.” Billy said, more shy about it this time, but he couldn’t help but smile a little. He felt giddy and lightheaded like this, he didn’t want it to be over, he didn’t want to get nervous or overwhelm himself. He ducked his head, and Jason brought a hand up to his face, on his cheek, hesitant and soft. “Do you—do you love me?” Billy asked.

 

“Are you kidding me?” Jason asked. “Of course I do, Jesus, I’m like, obsessed with you. It’s  probably unhealthy how much I think about you.”

 

Billy frowned, his head shot up, and he looked at Jason with concern. “Unhealthy?”

 

“No—no, I was kidding with the last part— a little, it’s not,” Jason relaxed his hands on the sides of Billy’s neck, rubbing circles with his thumbs. “It’s not unhealthy. I just, love you, and I think about you all the time and, you saying it back is just really, really amazing.”

 

Billy smiled, wide and astonished, and happier than he’d been in a long time. “I told you I loved you, and you—you said it back.”

 

“I can’t believe you said it,” Jason said, his thumbs still rubbing circles into Billy’s neck, his eyes focused on Billy’s mouth again. “I can’t believe you’re letting me touch you, _fuck,_ I can’t believe you let me kiss you, Jesus.”

 

Billy put his hands on Jason’s back, and he pressed them close again. “I did,” he said. “And, I think I’m going to let you do it again.”

 

Billy could feel Jason’s grin against him more than he could see it. He  closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss this time. It was exactly like the first one only so much better.

 

So maybe Billy wasn’t as good at hiding things as he’d thought. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

 

Jason groaned into his mouth, his hands warm and heavy against Billy and they felt grounding, and like they were touching every possible place on Billy’s body.

  
It definitely wasn’t a bad thing.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated


End file.
